The Wonderful World of Corporate Procedures (And Other Modern Torture Devices)
- CorporateEmployee
- Apr 16
- 3 min read
Let’s talk about something close to every corporate soul’s heart (and blood pressure): procedures.
Ah yes, those wonderful little rules designed to keep everything running smoothly — and somehow also designed to sap your will to live, one approval flow at a time.
Now, as a general rule: The bigger the company, the more ridiculous the rules. More departments = more processes = more chances to ask, “Who thought this was a good idea?”
🚨 Private Sector = Agile and Fast? LOL.
If you’ve ever thought, “I’ll leave public sector bureaucracy behind and go private — it’ll be so much faster and more innovative!” …oh, sweet summer child.
Sure, there are places where that dream comes true. But more often, you’ll find yourself knee-deep in a sea of forms, approvals, and training quizzes, wondering how it took you three weeks to get permission to install a Chrome extension.
Let’s Break Down the Madness
Here’s a fun tour through the different species of corporate procedures you’ll encounter in the wild:
🧠 1. The Common Sense Ones
Ask for vacation before disappearing.
Don’t set the office on fire.
Flush the toilet.
Lock your computer when you leave your desk.
Simple. Logical. No drama. These are fine. These are our friends.
💤 2. The “Boring But Mandatory” Trainings
These are the ones you forget immediately after completing them. You’ll be reminded to:
Not click on phishing emails about your dead millionaire aunt.
Not stick metal things into power outlets.
Lock your laptop.
Take a quiz you’ve already passed ten times (and will 100% copy again).
Everyone hates them. Everyone forgets them. Managers chase you down like bounty hunters to make sure you’ve done them.
🧩 3. The Actually Useful Ones (Shocker)
When you're managing a project with a hundred people, you do need some process. A way of working. A way to not descend into chaos.These are fair. Even helpful.
...Until they mutate.
🧊 4. The Special Snowflake Procedures
This is where logic takes a holiday.
In theory, your company has a standard way of running projects. In practice, every single project team says, “Screw that, we’ll make our own!”
So now you’ve got:
10 projects
10 different tools
10 different workflows
10 flavors of pain
Consistency? Never heard of her.
🔻 Subtype A: The “Who Made This?” Procedures
These are written by people who’ve never worked on a real project — or possibly even met one.
Entire departments exist just to create these rules. It’s like politicians writing education policy without ever stepping inside a school.
📄 Subtype B: Document Everything. Always. Forever.
You moved a task from “In Progress” to “Done”? Document it.
You deleted a comment in a code review? Document it. With witnesses.
Sometimes I feel like I could spend a whole week just documenting the documentation. It’s documentation Inception.
🕰️ Subtype C: Ancient Relics
These come from the '90s, maybe earlier. No one knows why they exist or what they’re for, but we follow them blindly. Like corporate traditions passed down through generations of confused employees.
🎉 And Then Comes... The Audit
Just when you think you’ve survived the labyrinth of checkboxes and “Submit for Review” buttons — boom, here comes the audit.
Auditors show up to verify if you followed every procedure to the letter and documented every tiny move. Thank God it’s all digital now — if this were on paper, we’d have no trees or square footage left on Earth.
Final Thoughts (aka Why We Cry-Laugh at Our Desks)
In some roles, especially management, up to 90% of your job can be dealing with processes instead of people or actual work.
It’s funny. It’s frustrating. It’s our everyday reality.
So tell me: What’s the most ridiculous procedure you’ve come across at work? Drop it in the comments — let’s laugh (and cry) together. Misery loves company, and this blog runs on caffeine and shared suffering.
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