The Colorful Zoo of Corporate Life

CorporateEmployee
1 day ago
3 min read

It’s been a while since our last post—I know, I know, the blog went on an accidental sabbatical. We’ve previously chatted about procedures, middle management, and some laughable office quirks. But today, let’s talk about the real MVPs of the corporate world: the people who actually do the work. You know, the so-called “resources.”

(Yeah, I know—"resources." As if Karen from accounting is a printer.)

Let’s give credit where credit is due: these are the humans who move the company forward while the rest of us drown in processes, status meetings, and 37-page PowerPoints no one reads. But don't be fooled—just because someone works hard doesn’t mean everyone around them does. Big corporations are basically small governments: some build roads, some collect taxes, and some... just sit there leaking coffee and doing nothing.

Let’s deep dive into the wonderful, weird species that roam Corporate Land:

🐣 The Naive Ones

Why naive? Because these are usually the interns or first-time employees. You’ll spot them in the hallway, eyes wide like deer in headlights, whispering things like “Where’s the bathroom?” or “What’s a timesheet?”

They believe senior devs are coding gods and try to absorb every syllable they utter like gospel. Give it a year or two, and they’ll either become bitter, brilliant—or both. Like Pokémon, they evolve.

🎩 The Scammers

Ah yes, the remote work Houdinis. These are the people who treat “working from home” like an Olympic sport.

9AM meeting? “Sorry, my internet died. Again.”
Task deadline? “Oops, a solar flare wiped out my files.”
Daily status update? “Just got called into a surprise dentist appointment. For the 5th time this week.”

Now, let’s be fair—everyone has personal stuff. But if you’re having an existential emergency every other Tuesday, it might be less “life crisis” and more “Netflix marathon.”

The twist? Management usually knows. They’re just waiting with popcorn for HR to catch up. But for those who manage to scam the system undetected—well, hats off. You’ve beaten capitalism on expert mode.

👑 The God Complex

This one’s tricky. These employees are actually very good. They save projects, rescue deadlines, and occasionally carry the whole company on their back like some kind of office Hercules.

And then... it gets to their head.

Their manager checks out (because hey, free labor!), and suddenly every team decision needs divine approval. Want to update a comment in the code? Better schedule a meeting with The Oracle.

The problem? No one else grows. The team becomes a medieval village living under a very moody wizard.

🧛‍♂️ The Leeches

You know them. You’ve worked with them. You might be working for one. These folks have a sixth sense for dodging responsibility.

Ask for help and suddenly they’ve “got a call,” “need to focus,” or mysteriously “never got that email.”They’re always “collaborating,” never delivering. And somehow, they still get promoted.

☁️ The Complainer / Naysayer

The office Eeyore.

Everything is bad:

Coffee? Too hot.
Air conditioning? Too cold.
Weather? Personal attack.
New project? "This is the dumbest thing since Windows Vista."

They’ll complain to a wall. Literally. And if a day goes by without a dramatic sigh or passive-aggressive Slack message, you’ll wonder if they’re okay. (They’re not.)

💪 The Reliable Workhorse

Every manager’s dream. They show up, do the work, don’t whine, and know their worth. You don’t need to micromanage them—they're like German engineering with a coffee addiction.

In a world full of God Complexes and corporate Houdinis, these are the ones keeping the lights on.

Final Thoughts

Of course, no one fits perfectly into one box. We’re all a weird mix depending on the day, the project, and how much caffeine we’ve had.

So—what kind of employee are you? Drop your category in the comments 👇 or invent your own! And if you say “a mix between Reliable and Complainer”… welcome to the club.